THE WHOLE WORLD’S GONE GAY. Sorry – the whole world’s gone black. Wait. The whole world’s gone women. No – the whole world’s gone Muslim. That is, the whole world’s gone Jewish. Bah! The whole world’s gone cycling. The whole world’s gone on benefits. The whole world’s left the church. The whole world’s come here.

Wait… you what? Your voice is a bit muffled mate. “Sometimes a stuck pendulum gets a frustrated hard push in the opposite direction to try to get the rhythm back into some sort of regular balance”?

What ARE you raving about, you bloody wordy ponse? I DO want time to stand still, mate – like about one split second after I just made my excellent and coherently researched point.

And, wait – WHAT? You wish you could go stand in the rubble with a bunch of stone age terrorists? You wish you could stand in the courtyard of one of the hospitals not destroyed by F16s next to ordinary fathers and mothers and kids just so you could sob your fucking heart out with them, do you? What are you, a bloody anti Semite?

“Stand with the people of Gaza…” I ask you. You forgotten Auschwitz, have you? People were dehumanised, mate.

Well thankfully, here in the UK, you have the right to be totally bloody useless however you bloody well want, pal, so knock yourself out. Meanwhile, the whole world’s up in flames.

..You WHAT? You refuse to make ME scared of YOU? Don’t make me laugh. You seen yourself?

..You refuse to see ME as “MONSTER”?!

Do I have to point out to you that while I am standing here trying to make bloody serious point about freedom of speech and justice, mate, JUSTICE – YOU are the one standing there in a Sulley costume?

You big fluffy irresistibly cuddly blue idiot. ..Get away from me. This is hardly the time.

Unless the whole world has gone mad.

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