No sex.

Not tonight. Not on Channel Four, anyway.

If you missed The Sex Education Show which had been running on Tuesday nights at 8.00pm for six weeks, you’ll have missed some scary pictures of STDs, some scarier stories from teenage Britain and some downright punch-drunk bravery in the face of a relentlessly frightening series of indignities foist on the plucky lads of Long Ashton football club.

Was there nothing these brave boys wouldn’t step up to do?

I can’t even bring myself to list the activities Anna Richardson put them through. Admittedly, I can imagine it would be hard to say No to such a jolly nice lady – but really. After girth confessions, fertility pots, infection swabs and sexual history memoirs, you’d think these Bristol tommies would just stay down. Leave it. Let the bell ring and be done with it. But no.

“Foreskin hygiene, gentlemen – an impromtu inspection with our nice lady doctor specialist here. Who’s for it?”

Dunkirk spirit, lads. It was for the country. Makes my bottom lip quiver.

..Eeew. Leave it.

Anyway.

Well-earned night off tonight for the old chaps.